Hello, leaders! Today, we're diving deep into a vital yet often ignored aspect of leadership: facing the elephants in the room.
Inspired by insights from JR Briggs on the Resilient Leaders podcast, we'll explore why naming and befriending these elephants is crucial for cultivating courage and effectiveness in your leadership.
Ever walked into a meeting room where tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife?
Or been in a situation where everyone is uncomfortable, yet no one addresses the massive, glaring issue lounging in the corner?
That, my friends, is the proverbial elephant in the room.
These can be uncomfortable truths, such as an underperforming team member, unresolved conflicts, or systemic inefficiencies. Ignoring these elephants doesn't make them disappear; instead, they grow bigger and more dangerous as time passes.
In this post, we're going to take a deep dive into naming and befriending those elephants, inspired by a recent podcast episode we heard by JR Briggs, The Resilient Leaders Pod: Ep 244 - Great Leaders Befriend Elephants.
Let's start with a fundamental truth: Courageous leaders name reality.
This isn't just a fluffy concept; it's an actionable trait rooted in honesty and bravery.
As Max Dupree said, "The first job of a leader is to define reality."
But what does this mean in practical terms?
Naming elephants can be terrifying, and for good reason.
The fear of potential fallout—whether it's hurting someone's feelings, sparking conflict, or even affecting team dynamics—often makes leaders hesitate.
Remember the Emperor's New Clothes? Everyone knew the Emperor was parading around stark naked, yet no one dared to say a word until a blunt child spoke the truth.
As leaders, we don't want to look foolish or be the jerk, so we let the elephants roll around unchecked.
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Think of how liberating it is to vent your frustration to a friend or colleague and how it instantly diffuses the tension.
Naming your emotions—whether it's anger, shame, or frustration—reduces their power over you.
The same principle applies to workplace dynamics.
Naming the elephant in your team can transform an awkward, energy-draining situation into one where growth and collaboration can occur.
Psychologists have shown that naming your feelings can help reduce their emotional impact.
It's a freeing act to label what we're feeling because it makes the emotion manageable.
So, why not apply this concept to team dynamics?
In the workplace, naming the team’s "elephants" can turn unresolved tensions into opportunities for improvement.
One practical example is when a team is struggling with a project that’s been stalled for months. Simply naming the issue—saying out loud that the project is stuck—can catalyze new solutions and restore momentum.
Alright, so we know naming things is important, but how exactly do we do it?
Let's break down the steps.
Before you can address the elephant, you need to reflect on your own fears.
Ask yourself, "What am I so afraid of?"
This step of self-awareness is crucial.
Maybe you're afraid that addressing the issue will lead to confrontation, or perhaps you're worried about the fallout on team morale.
Put these fears on the table, acknowledge them, and prepare yourself mentally for the task ahead.
Actionable Tip:
Imagine you're a manager who notices that your top performer has been exhibiting a poor attitude, negatively affecting the team. You might fear losing this star player, but by ignoring the issue, the overall team dynamic suffers.
Reflection helps you prepare to address this concern constructively.
As leaders, we must model the behavior we wish to see.
Vulnerability builds trust, and trust is the cornerstone of any high-functioning team.
Begin by asking for feedback from your team—real, honest feedback, including the last 5% that people usually hold back because it’s the hardest to hear.
When you ask for feedback, you create a safe space for dialogue, and when people share their insights, thank them sincerely.
This shows that you value their honesty, even if the feedback is tough to hear.
Actionable Tip:
During a team meeting, openly share an area where you feel you could improve.
Then invite the team to share their thoughts and feedback, even if it’s about areas where you, as their leader, might be falling short.
This vulnerability encourages your team to be forthcoming with their own concerns.
Most problems are best addressed individually to avoid public embarrassment or defensiveness, but there are times when issues affect the entire group and need a team-wide approach.
Encourage accountability and set high standards in these episodes.
Actionable Tip:
If someone’s behavior is creating issues, address it one-on-one first.
However, if the team’s culture is becoming increasingly negative due to unchecked issues, it might be time for an open, collective discussion.
Psychological safety is paramount.
Your team must feel secure in speaking up without fear of retribution.
This creates a culture where the last 5% of truth can be shared and where conversations about the "elephants" become normalized.
Actionable Tip:
Introduce regular "Elephant Naming" sessions where team members can bring up any issues or unspoken tensions.
Ensure that these sessions are conducted in a respectful and constructive manner.
Remember those mall maps with the big red dot saying “You Are Here”?
These maps help you navigate to your desired location only when you know your starting point.
The same principle applies to leadership—understanding and acknowledging the current reality is essential in charting the course forward.
Actionable Tip:
In your next team meeting, present a “reality map” of where the team currently stands on major projects, including challenges and roadblocks.
This lays the foundation for addressing the "elephants" obstructing progress.
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In closing, remember that leading with courage and resilience involves not just identifying the elephants in the room but befriending them.
Invite them to sit down at the table and teach you something valuable.
A culture that normalizes and embraces the naming of elephants will inevitably grow stronger, more creative, and more effective.
So, next time you feel the heavy breath of an elephant on your shoulder, take a deep breath, muster your courage, and name it.
Your team’s future depends on it. Courageous leaders aren’t those who shy away from the hard truths—they are the ones who face them head-on.
Thank you for reading and for striving to be a more courageous and resilient leader.
If this blog post resonated with you, please share it with other leaders. It's leaders like you that make a difference not only in your teams but in the broader organizational landscape.
Keep leaning in, keep learning, and remember: naming things to tame things, taming things to change things.
Great leaders befriend elephants. Happy leading!
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